Idle is not really that bad … except if you’ll allow it as a gateway for some evil thoughts and deds you know. I’m thinking that coming from a busy week at work and at home I deserve to be idle and actually master the art of doing nothing. Is that ok? I don’t know but I really don’t want to care – right now. Maybe tomorrow or the days to follow I will … but for this moment, I am deciding to be unproductive.
This morning was not a breeze. I had to have a battle with my rationality and my emotions. Why are emotions so damn hard to fight with? They’re like the master of everything. Everytime that my rationality would give me that hint of being able to have a choice, I keep on drowning to justifying my emotions.
Are there moments when you want to just go back to what you were? Not saying to a younger self, but to your old YOU. That’s how I feel.
Before I am Free. There are several bumps along the road we call life but I managed to make myself happy. I had my music, my thoughts balled into words. I had ME. I had my own mug of coffee sipped while looking out the window on a rainy day, the feeling, it’s freeing.
I’m not complaining, I don’t want to. It’s just that I feel like there are better things in store for me. I’m not so good in getting the most out of what’s there, I was too deprived before that I can’t contain the thought of not getting what I NEED. See, it’s not even WANT.
But maybe … well maybe, or better yet I’ll claim that there is a silver lining in all things. I know I’ll get there, I will.
Bottomline is, ranting is necessary. That’s what blogs are for. Self-counseling and self-healing.
Not ok yet but I will be.